Wonder and Awe

Wonder and awe, it stops time. The world halts, your soul feels full, your eyes teary and you become different and who you really are at the same time.

The past two days I have spent in complete awe. Megan and I spent so much time exploring the temples of Angor Wat. Angor Wat is the largest religious monument in the world and it was completely breathtakingly beautiful!!!! I truly never imagined anything quite like it and wish there was a way I could put into words what you feel when it hits you, when you see it. Walking around you are already in awe and amazed and then you step in and see how much more is there and that is where it struck me. The size alone is incredible and the detail of carvings everywhere, you could stare for days and still want more. Find a corner and peace fills you as you stop time for a moment and treasure what you see, where you are, the history, taking it all in.

 

Angor Wat is only one of many temples, and they were all spectacular. We found some time to journal and tried a little yoga although not wearing the right clothes, it was still one of my favorite moments. The view above was our view as we took time for that this morning. So peaceful!!

The tuk tuk ride the second day was through a more rural area and I truly enjoyed the ride. The cool breeze as we rode along helped that too, it was very hot. All along the way our view was of Cambodian families with road side carts and schools with playgrounds, rice fields, children riding bicycles, hammocks and a lot of them. I have never seen so many hammocks and all are in use. We saw one man using a tree branch as a hammock it was quite interesting. Time goes slower here with groups of Cambodians all together having picnics or just visiting laying around in their hammocks. We saw so many enjoying time talking and laughing their normal day spent with loved ones just hanging out together.

This time with my daughter fills my heart and soul, truly blessed! 

 

Culture Shock Is Real

The incredible feeling of seeing a familiar face after so long of being alone traveling on planes and with people who don’t speak much English was such a wonderful feeling and then you add to it that it was my daughter I hadn’t seen since the beginning of April and it just got way better.

She had a tuk tuk driver waiting and we were on our way.  My eyes just trying to take it all In and my mind trying to process what I was seeing and my heart just smiling as I listened to Megan tell me all kinds of stuff. She had a sign to hold up saying momma at the airport so she gave me that. The ride was about 20 min and it started to rain so the driver pulled over and turned down covers so we wouldn’t get wet. Scooters and tuk Tuks and bikes everywhere, cars too but just a bustling road with lots of activity and while that seems not that different, it is that different.

Our hotel room is nice and has a balcony with comfortable yet very awkward chairs and we spent a lot of time talking out there and hung by the pool. The rains started and it was so nice sitting out there watching the rain and enjoying some time with Megan. My ankles got very swollen from trip so we were trying to keep that down and my feet up so I wouldn’t have further issues. I looked like I had elephant legs it was awful. I now appreciate my smaller ankles much more.

Candle light dining and fancy service at a cute little place across the alley from where we are staying. We had no idea it was so fancy but what a nice surprise. We ended up Sitting upstairs with globe lanterns and view of trees quite unlike we see at home and nicest server ever who was so concerned when I couldn’t eat all my food. It was a lot and I was feeling quite exhausted from travels. This wonderful meal for both of us cost less than what one  person would pay to eat lunch somewhere In the states.

I am so tired and in complete shock I think from the trip over and just the drastically different world I am About to spend the next couple weeks in. Apparently culture shock is real my husband reminded me by message. I am so anxious and ready to take it all in and learn whatever I can.  My motto for trip and life, open mind, open eyes, open heart. What will I experience with those three things?

Taking Off

My journey has officially begun and I can definitely say I am leaning in. Making the decision to meet my daughter in Cambodia and travel with her for a couple weeks was a difficult one as it took me way outside of my comfort zone. Way outside of my comfort zone!! 

As I write this I am in China about to fly the last leg of my trip. Me, in China, go figure. I can honestly say I never thought that I would be here. The flight from LA to Guangzhou was very long and hard to sit but it was smooth and comfortable and lots of movies. I watched several but none of them all the way through since I kept falling asleep. The seat next to me was empty so the lady next to the empty seat, on the other side, and I took turns spreading out some so that was a nice bonus. The food was delicious for food served in a little plastic container. All in all a very nice flight and I did better than I thought I would. 

Getting off in China was a little intense, no clue where to go everyone speaking the language of the country and everyone else seemed to know what to do. I just kept asking anyone that looked like they may know and showed them my boarding pass until I got where I needed to be. I needed help with wifi and I don’t think that was me but hey, maybe it was. Everyone was very helpful and they speak English but very limited, so it definitely was interesting. Once I found my gate I took some time to explore the airport and get a coffee. Kind of funny when someone hands you a menu to order and it is all chinese. I just laughed which probably was inappropriate however it just came out. She smiled and helped me through it and I actually got what I wanted and have no clue what I paid for it. But it was my first coffee since before I left so I didn’t care. 

I can’t wait to see Megan and have this time with her and I am so happy I decided to take this trip and step outside of what I know. The little girl sitting next to me on the plane just  offered me Chinese cracker to try, her English name is Angel, and that just made me smile and think, of course it is. 

Take Time to Block The Noise

I am in awe of the beauty of things when I take the time to stop and really enjoy.  I don’t want to always be rushing and focused on a world everywhere but where I am.  There is so much noise in life and distractions and we can find ourselves victim to what anybody else wants at a given moment instead of just being where we are and taking it all in.  I am sitting and looking at the incredible peak of Pikes Peak with Garden of The Gods in the foreground and can’t help myself from just staring.  The view changes every few minutes with shadows and light.  Birds are flying everywhere and chirping and I have seen deer grazing below me and a bunny hopped up to greet me while I was eating my breakfast.  I am grateful for where I am at this moment and happy that I can take the time to just stop and breathe it all in.

Find small ways each day to block the noise and allow yourself time to think and actually hear yourself.  I do not believe we have to make large changes to our daily routine to make large changes in our lives.   We are capable of so much more than we give ourselves credit for but we limit ourselves with routine and habits and comfort zones.  By taking a few moments each day to listen to our own hearts and get to know ourselves a little better we may learn the one thing that will push us to living our most passionate full life.  What is it that you haven’t been listening to, what is it that the noise blocks from your life?  Find the time, take small moments and make them yours and no one else’s and watch your life transform.

Simple Stop Time Moments

Swinging to the breeze of life, floating on air and smiling at the sun.  This is a blessed life I lead and with the sun warm on my face and the breeze swaying me in the wind I lay cradled by my hammock in the back yard of my home.  As  a 20 year old I built this home, that is right 20 years old, and now at 47 with 27 years of memories and family and life and love captured, I sit out back in awe of my life.  It hasn’t been filled with riches and vacations and the many things that you can buy to show you live a good life but it has been filled with family and love and growth of so many.  To many my life seems small, I have even been told I grew up under a rock many times but small to some is perfect to others.  I had many days of games and playing and stories and meals together and hard work combined with life lessons for children.  Mowing the lawn for the first time, setting the table and cleaning your rooms including making the bed.  Loving pets and moments that seem to stop time, the slow life moments.  I miss those moments.  One more story mommy, just a little longer in the tub, can we have popsicles before we come in.  My life as mom was the best anyone could ask for and filled me with love and pride and even though simple it was complete.

I feel ready though, ready for what’s next and funny thing is I love that I am realizing how amazing it is to be learning from my children.  They truly love the simple stop time moments and go after those moments with full throttle passion.  I have noticed I want to sit in what was sometimes and miss my babies and with that I am realizing I am not embracing life as it is for this phase.  I am going to listen to my children as I always have but I am going to change how I listen and I am going to learn from them.  I did my job well and they are amazing and now, now I can learn from them.  They are so wise to this world even though their lives were kept kind of small too with small town living and not a lot of culture and fancy experiences and yet they are flourishing and living with passion and purpose.  Leaning into their lives and learning and growing with every single step or climb they take.  Our path does not have to be fully laid out with a map and itinerary and step one and step 2.  It needs to be leaned into one step at a time.  So what’s next for me may not be for certain but I can move forward with certainty that I will treasure it and make it mine and lean fully into this life with each step and choice I make.  Life is a blessing and it is to be treasured and lived fully in those simple and powerful moments that make time stop long enough to enjoy the sun on your face.

Better Than Perfect

I run slower than a turtle in mud but I get out there and do what I can.  I have always had this issue with needing to do something perfect and I would allow myself to say at times that if I couldn’t be really good at something there was no need to even put forth the effort.  That one thought sure can keep you small in your living because typically the best way to become really good at something is to enjoy doing it.  How can you enjoy it if you are measuring against perfect?

Running to me is a perfect example of this, yes I used perfect on purpose there.  I absolutely love to run and I am so far from good at it.  Letting go of what it should be or what it is for others and just allowing myself to figure out my own running joys and patterns has helped me accept myself and be more kind to myself on what I expect and what I enjoy in all areas of life.

So I run, I do it slowly and not that far but I run and it brings me peace and happiness almost every single time.  It allows me to challenge myself in small ways no one else even has to know about.  I am grateful for the ability because I know all too well there are people that are unable to walk let alone run, so even if I am slow, I get out there and do it.  I am allowing more and more acceptance of myself in the not so good areas  as I grow older and of course wiser.  I am learning more and more that there is a whole lot of good stuff in this world to enjoy even if you aren’t very good at it.  Get out there and try more stuff and have fun, laugh at yourself and challenge yourself.  What if through the challenge of doing more you find the one thing that you were meant to do to bring you the most joy in life.

 

Share the Beauty of You

Do you wade in the shallow waters of life or swim deep in the ocean?  The depths of the ocean have so much mystery, much like the depths of our own souls.  Allowing ourselves to be vulnerable in life and share our stories and hearts with others will  open up the mystery and the beauty of you that lies hidden beneath the surface, just as deciding to swim deep in the ocean opens up that magical world.

Adventure Planning

From a small coffeehouse called The Library, our adventure planning officially began.  Sharing coffee and sandwiches, ideas and fears, we began the task of breaking down our trip so we could start to put it together.  The laptops and iPads powered on and the celebratory first ink to paper in Anne’s midori travelers journal, with her favorite color aqua blue.  As a matter of fact, I believe a midori may be in Megan’s future too as we discussed the versatility and beautiful leather.  I have had mine for about a year now and love the leather and carry it with me everywhere.

The pitter patter of a little two year old girl running around just made me smile and her hair so much like Megan’s was at that age and the cute little dress like Megan would have worn just was a very silent moment of treasured memory for me.  She sits across the table from me so grown up now and teaching me all about travel. She is helping me get comfortable with something that is way outside of my comfort zone and all the while this baby girl is running around us and it was one of those moments that you just can’t really put into words.  My baby, now teaching me, I always thought that the best feeling in the world was me teaching my babies and them learning and understanding.  I have to say I never considered how incredible it would feel to have them teaching me.

We picked the dates and wrote them down, we talked about where and when and timing for the different locations.  Then the awful chore of searching airline flights began and to even think about how long this trip will take to make it to our destination is a little hard to grasp let alone picking the right flights.  Megan tackled it and found what seems to be a great flight and we saved the information.  Next up was where we stay, so many options.  We are going to have a little fun searching places in Phuket, Thailand but we have chosen our location for Cambodia and we all feel good about it.  The questions started flying, what do we pack, shoes to wear, what is allowed to wear in temples, how long does it take to get to the temples, do we ride bikes or tuk tuk rides?  So many questions and the excitement started to build through the fear.  It is without a doubt going to be the trip of a lifetime and talking about stepping outside of my comfort zone.  This is leaping completely outside of my comfort zone and I am so thankful I have a dear friend willing to take this leap with me and knowing how she loves my daughter and me just makes it very special.

I have to have a talk with Megan and let her know yet again, I wish she wouldn’t take her trip and stay home and be safe and not go so far by herself.  I would feel so happy to be able to take her on the trip of a lifetime together someplace where she goes with me and comes home with me and it would still be amazing.  She is my life, my heart, my baby girl and I am filled with fear of her safety.  How does a parent let go and let their babies live their life and still feel like they are doing the right thing as a parent.  I am excited to spend time with her on her journey but man I wish the rest of it wasn’t going to be spent alone so far from home.  I keep telling myself, she is God’s child and he will take care of her, she has so much good to offer this world but seriously this is probably the most difficult thing to do in life, let go of your sweet baby’s hand and let them take their steps on their path.  I am filled with pride at her independence and courage  yet want that protective mommy bubble around my baby.  I will continue to hope she has a change of heart and decides to stay home or at least not go so far and if she still decides to begin her journey I will have faith that she is in God’s protective hands and picture her surrounded by her guardian angels helping to keep her safe from harm.  As for our piece of the journey together, stepping into my discomfort to be able to see her and share what she loves is worth the leap because she fills my heart with love and happiness anytime and every time.

Open More Doors

“A comfort zone is a beautiful place, but nothing ever grows there”

How many times do you say no to something before you even give it a chance?  A no that comes from habit or your own defense mechanism against someone else’s control of you or a situation.  What would your life be like if you leaned in more and tried more things and didn’t dismiss ideas based on fear or even ignorance?

This small town girl that grew up under the proverbial “rock” has lived most of life not fully engaged to the opportunities that are out there, not open to my own real potential.  The past few years I have changed that habitual way of living and it feels like someone opened the biggest door to the most beautiful garden. I have learned that with each corner I turn and each step I take and each risk that I decide to go for, it only leads to more doors and paths to explore.  We are capable of so much more than I think we can even realize and comprehend.  It can be a little intimidating to really let that thought set deep in your soul. It is worth it though and we are capable to handle any possible detour that may come from our chosen path.

What is it that lights that fire in you? Are you moving towards it a little more each day, accepting what will come and knowing that life is beautiful and meant to be lived all in.

The All Important Planning of Colorado Family Trip

It is the weekend before we leave for Colorado to visit with Michael and Hailey.  I am making our lists and will check them twice.  My excitement is building with each day that passes.  Our trip that started as a long weekend for Charlie and I to visit with Michael has turned into a week long vacation with Megan joining us and if that wasn’t enough to make it, just the best vacation ever, I found out not long ago that Aunt Jean and Bob will be in a close by town.

I am fortunate to have a boss that is also a good friend that offered his time share for our use for a week and I graciously and very excitedly accepted.  We will be staying in Dillon Colorado at Swan Mountain Resort, this resort is about 2 hours from Michael and one hour from Denver.  Michael and Hailey are taking the first few days that we are there, off from work and coming to stay with us.  It will be nice for him to see a new area of Colorado.  When he goes back to work we will travel to Colorado Springs to visit him a couple times and possibly take him out for breakfast before he goes in or dinner after he gets off and spend some time in Colorado Springs seeing the sites.

I can’t wait for a hug from my boy, 8 months is just too darn long.  I haven’t seen him since Christmas.  It will be so nice to have time with Michael and Megan together and all of us together in such a beautiful area.  I am anxious for Charlie to see how incredibly beautiful it is there and for us all to have a great time, making the most of the small moments and creating memories.